The Obsession with ‘Top’ and ‘Bottom’ roles in Media

Disclaimer:

While my rants do contain factual information I have research and verified, they also come from my own frustrations and opinions of the subject. I am a media and film productions university student who is part of the LGBT community and has a great interest in queer media. I encourage others to do their own research and also come to their own opinion of the subject.

A quick rundown of what top and bottom actually refer to and mean. Top and bottom are widely used in the BDSM community and the LGBT community.

Urban Dictionary definition:

‘the top is the pleasure giver and the one on the bottom is receiving. They are not the same as dom and sub because even though many bottoms are subs and tops are doms, there are variations such as service tops and power bottoms. Some people are also versatile, which means they are both top and bottom, not to be confused with switch.’

Simply put top and bottom are often used to refer to sexual positions.

However, over time the terms have come to represent more than just this. There has been an increase in the obsession with what roles people take in the bedroom and equating that to how they act in the relationship overall. This has been most prevalent in BL and Yaoi, as well as queer media overall.

People quickly try to figure out who is the top and who is the bottom, by their appearance, actions and sexual acts. People have been taught what to expect from LGBT relationships- for example, in MLM relationships, the more effeminate, smaller, shyer or overall more submissive person is seen as the bottom. The more masculine, taller, assertive and dominant is seen as the top. This has been pushed by the media for many years

This pushes the idea of queer people still having to adhere to hetero-normative roles during sex, a woman’s role and man’s role by traditional standards, and that it reflects on there wider relationship overall.

Equating what you prefer to do sexually with your partner to your role in the wider relationship is completely wrong and often not true.

How someone acts during sex does not inherently reflect their wider attitude or personality. Without going into great detail, some people who are more assertive in their daily life prefer to take a more submissive role sexually with their partners. Some shyer and withdrawn people will like taking control during sex. Some do fit the stereotype and a lot don’t. While psychologically there may be some connection to how you act in the bedroom and how you are in your daily life the two don't equate each other.

Young queer people feel pressured to try and fit into the categories that the media has been presenting and the community surrounding it. Mostly straight women, taking these stereotypes and applying them to their favourite male idols and celebrities.

There has been a move away from the stereotypes, with couples shown to have a more equal relationship with equal power. However, the obsession with what role they play hasn't died down as much for the fan of queer media, especially MLM content.

Also- not every gay couple has penetrative sex. Not every couple has penetrative sex. Sex is a wide and varying thing that everyone has different preferences, likes and dislikes. But that’s a whole other subject, I will write about sex education and the lack of education as well as the taboo around sex.